Dying and death reimagined: bringing death back into the community

In generations past, death was a communal event. It happened at home, surrounded by family. The body was cared for by loving hands. Neighbours brought meals. Children asked questions. Elders shared stories. Death, while never easy, was woven into the rhythm of life.

But in recent decades, something changed. As medicine advanced and institutions grew, dying gradually shifted out of the home and into hospitals, aged care facilities, and funeral homes. What was once intimate and shared became clinical and hidden. Death disappeared from our everyday lives - and with it, our comfort in talking about it.

Here’s a little-known but telling fact: the room we now call the living room was once known as the parlour. It was the space where families would lay out their deceased loved ones, allowing neighbours and friends to come, pay their respects, and sit vigil. With the rise of the funeral industry, this sacred role was outsourced to “funeral parlours,” and the domestic parlour quietly became the “living room.” Even the language began to shift away from death.

This cultural change hasn’t served us well. As a society, we’ve grown uncomfortable with dying. Many of us reach the end of our lives without having spoken openly about our wishes, or without understanding what choices are available to us. And when someone we love is dying, we often feel helpless - not because we lack compassion, but because we’ve lost the language and rituals that once helped us navigate this time.

It’s time to bring death back into our communities.

By normalising conversations around dying, grief, and end-of-life choices, we empower each other. We learn how to show up, how to sit with sorrow, how to honour someone’s wishes. We rediscover that there is beauty and deep meaning in these final moments - and that community support makes all the difference.

Death doulas, like myself, are part of this cultural shift. But so are you. Every time you ask a loved one about their wishes, show up for a grieving friend, or include children in gentle conversations about death, you’re helping to make death a little less frightening - and a little more human.

Let’s bring it home again.